Sitting here thinking...
Letting the thoughts go through my mind...
Uncontrolled, like the Bundesautobahn, they whirl pass, each pounding my head and heart with like fiery darts from the devil's bows...
And it hurts, like hell it does!
And I'm thinking, why do you always do this? Why do you always cause me pain? Why? Why?? Why are you like this????
I wish my eyes were blind and my ears deaf
I wish the things you do were never impressed on my memory.
I wish there were no witnesses and constant reminders!
I wish I could pretend it didn't happen.
I wish! I wish!! I wish all I had to do was only wish!!!
And now you can't even see
you don't even know
the damage you caused
because your eyes are blind... They see only what you want.
Your heart is hardened... It only feels for itself.
I do this in pain
my heart bleeds for you.
But this I must do... I must keep praying and hoping that you will change.
That's why I love you, that's why I care...
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
MY CHOICE
I choose to live because God has given me the right to choose. And I live my life with dignity because the I’m special to God. (Deuteronomy 30:19, Proverbs 18:21)
I chose to be rich, famous and influential because that’s the life that God has called me into. I refuse to be subject to the dictates of the circumstances and situations around me but I triumph over them because I’m more than a conqueror in Christ.
I chose to be health and strong. Never a dull or weak moment because I was healed by His stripes and I stay healed.
I chose to be different because I have the call of God upon my life therefore I am distinguished above my peers because I have an excellent spirit in me (Daniel 5:12; 6:3).
I chose to make an impact in my world and in the life of the people I meet everyday. I leave people better than I met them because I’m the outstretched arm of God sent to minister to the world.
I chose to believe these things and to teach and propagate them and make all men know that Jesus is LORD. He loves us and made these and so much more available for us!
Kaylese-Smyles Emele
12th July, 2011
I chose to be rich, famous and influential because that’s the life that God has called me into. I refuse to be subject to the dictates of the circumstances and situations around me but I triumph over them because I’m more than a conqueror in Christ.
I chose to be health and strong. Never a dull or weak moment because I was healed by His stripes and I stay healed.
I chose to be different because I have the call of God upon my life therefore I am distinguished above my peers because I have an excellent spirit in me (Daniel 5:12; 6:3).
I chose to make an impact in my world and in the life of the people I meet everyday. I leave people better than I met them because I’m the outstretched arm of God sent to minister to the world.
I chose to believe these things and to teach and propagate them and make all men know that Jesus is LORD. He loves us and made these and so much more available for us!
Kaylese-Smyles Emele
12th July, 2011
GOD THIS AIN'T WORKING...
I was born into a Christian home and grew up under strict parents. So, right from birth, I was introduced to the 'Christian religion'. This, and the family I was born into kinda made sure I had what you could call a protected childhood - no heavy peer pressure/ influence (in fact, so little of it. All my misdemeanours were self made) but that didn't make me any more good or to have a better standing before God. I just wasn't born again and anything short of that is just not it.
I had several opportunities to be 'born again'. Both at home - family altars and in Church where I answered almost every altar call. In fact, I got so tired of answering altar calls without any visible change (I always fell back to my normal life) that I verbally told God one day 'This aint working so there's no need answering any other call'.
I am just not cut out for things that don't work so I'd rather not find myself 'wasting my time' doing what obviously couldn't assuage the pain and hunger inside. So I shunned every other call no matter where it came...
And then, one Sunday morning, 4th April, 2004, I was in Church and the Pastor was preaching the Easter message. It got to me and I got down on my knees, crying. I made Jesus the Lord of my life. But that wasn't all.
I'd always been exposed to the message of condemnation and God's judgement on any wrong doing so I was always scared but deep down in my heart I knew I love God and want to live for Him but I didnt know how. And then seeing fellow believers in our supposedly 'very spiritual and heaven-minded' church live a life not consistent with what we were taught, and the fact that our lives as Christians were so devoid of the miraculous and supernatural, like Christians being in disadvantaged positions, seen as beggarly and poor and ignorable, I thought to myself, 'this is not what the Bible teaches' and I started seeking for answers.
Sometime in 2001 or thereabouts, I saw a certain Pastor Chris teaching on TV, though I couldn't place exactly what he was saying, I kinda liked it. I remember sneaking out of the house to watch him in our neighbours' houses(our Church forbade TV). Sometimes, I would peep from the windows. This continued until sometime in 2006 when God said to me 'Go to Christ Embassy'. I was like 'No! They shout a lot in that place. They are so loud'. I started going somewhere else but He wouldn't let me be.
Finally, one Sunday Morning in August 2007, I went to Christ Embassy, Agulu Street, Abakaliki and had the most wonderful service of my life. I knew there and then that there was no going back.
One Midweek Service, during prayer time, I suddenly heard myself speaking in other tongues. Oh! The joy of it! I was filled with the Holy Ghost. This was an experience I couldn't have in my former church.
Being in Christ Embassy has so changed my life. My mindset was altered, my life transformed, my personality improved. Now I'm no longer subject to the situations of life, nor to sin or the devil! Now I know who I am in Christ! Now I'm no longer ashamed to preach Christ anymore! Like John said "That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, of the Word of life;" (1 John 1:1).
To be continued...
www.wikisozo.com
I had several opportunities to be 'born again'. Both at home - family altars and in Church where I answered almost every altar call. In fact, I got so tired of answering altar calls without any visible change (I always fell back to my normal life) that I verbally told God one day 'This aint working so there's no need answering any other call'.
I am just not cut out for things that don't work so I'd rather not find myself 'wasting my time' doing what obviously couldn't assuage the pain and hunger inside. So I shunned every other call no matter where it came...
And then, one Sunday morning, 4th April, 2004, I was in Church and the Pastor was preaching the Easter message. It got to me and I got down on my knees, crying. I made Jesus the Lord of my life. But that wasn't all.
I'd always been exposed to the message of condemnation and God's judgement on any wrong doing so I was always scared but deep down in my heart I knew I love God and want to live for Him but I didnt know how. And then seeing fellow believers in our supposedly 'very spiritual and heaven-minded' church live a life not consistent with what we were taught, and the fact that our lives as Christians were so devoid of the miraculous and supernatural, like Christians being in disadvantaged positions, seen as beggarly and poor and ignorable, I thought to myself, 'this is not what the Bible teaches' and I started seeking for answers.
Sometime in 2001 or thereabouts, I saw a certain Pastor Chris teaching on TV, though I couldn't place exactly what he was saying, I kinda liked it. I remember sneaking out of the house to watch him in our neighbours' houses(our Church forbade TV). Sometimes, I would peep from the windows. This continued until sometime in 2006 when God said to me 'Go to Christ Embassy'. I was like 'No! They shout a lot in that place. They are so loud'. I started going somewhere else but He wouldn't let me be.
Finally, one Sunday Morning in August 2007, I went to Christ Embassy, Agulu Street, Abakaliki and had the most wonderful service of my life. I knew there and then that there was no going back.
One Midweek Service, during prayer time, I suddenly heard myself speaking in other tongues. Oh! The joy of it! I was filled with the Holy Ghost. This was an experience I couldn't have in my former church.
Being in Christ Embassy has so changed my life. My mindset was altered, my life transformed, my personality improved. Now I'm no longer subject to the situations of life, nor to sin or the devil! Now I know who I am in Christ! Now I'm no longer ashamed to preach Christ anymore! Like John said "That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, of the Word of life;" (1 John 1:1).
To be continued...
www.wikisozo.com
BURNING AND SHINING LIGHT
From a distance shines a light
With an intensity so so bright
That men hasten to cover their face
For the light shines with glory and grace
As it draws closer
The beams get brighter... and hotter
For it is a burning and shining light
Radiating with all of God's might
At last it is revealed
Glory and beauty unvieled
And lo - it is a man
And people wonder 'How can?'
Out of Zion God shines forth
Out of Zion I bring forth
Divine treasures out of my bowels
For in me Divinity and eternity dwells!
Kaylese Emele, 15th Jan., 2011
With an intensity so so bright
That men hasten to cover their face
For the light shines with glory and grace
As it draws closer
The beams get brighter... and hotter
For it is a burning and shining light
Radiating with all of God's might
At last it is revealed
Glory and beauty unvieled
And lo - it is a man
And people wonder 'How can?'
Out of Zion God shines forth
Out of Zion I bring forth
Divine treasures out of my bowels
For in me Divinity and eternity dwells!
Kaylese Emele, 15th Jan., 2011
THE SOUND OF SILENCE
In the world we live in, everybody wants to be in the happening place, where there's so much hustle and bustle, groovy, full of 'fun' and activity. Very few would want to be in a quiet or solitary place. Few would love to take off from the noisome activities and have some few minutes apart. Few would want to take out time to meditate. Few would love to listen to the sound of silence.
Yet, this sound has so much to do in the life of the one who'd listen to it. The best of life are not the things which are seen and heard with the physical eyes and ears but that which is percieved with the inner senses.
So much sounds are crisscrossing the world which we know nothing about; so much is being said without our hearing; so many conversations are going on without our knowledge because the human being is built like a radio device: built to pick up the frequencies that transverse the earth. If we can only fine-tune our minds, we'd be able to pic up these frequencies. Like the proverb that says 'if you listen well enough, you will hear the footsteps of ants'.
Take out time to be alone, in a quiet place; to listen to the conversations of your mind, and the communications of between your soul and nature. Even if you don't hear anything, you will atleast succeed in relaxing your mind and soothing your nerves because that's one of the benefits of listening to the sound of silence.
Kaylese Emele
School Field, Isu Secondary School, Isu, Onicha LGA, Ebonyi state
21st October, 2010
Yet, this sound has so much to do in the life of the one who'd listen to it. The best of life are not the things which are seen and heard with the physical eyes and ears but that which is percieved with the inner senses.
So much sounds are crisscrossing the world which we know nothing about; so much is being said without our hearing; so many conversations are going on without our knowledge because the human being is built like a radio device: built to pick up the frequencies that transverse the earth. If we can only fine-tune our minds, we'd be able to pic up these frequencies. Like the proverb that says 'if you listen well enough, you will hear the footsteps of ants'.
Take out time to be alone, in a quiet place; to listen to the conversations of your mind, and the communications of between your soul and nature. Even if you don't hear anything, you will atleast succeed in relaxing your mind and soothing your nerves because that's one of the benefits of listening to the sound of silence.
Kaylese Emele
School Field, Isu Secondary School, Isu, Onicha LGA, Ebonyi state
21st October, 2010
THEY DON'T CARE
They "d rather look away
All they want is just to play
And they play, detached from all emotions
All they do is basic motions
They laugh they cry
They sing. . . they lie
Coz they are scared
The truth is unheard
For how long will falsehood reign ?
When is life expected to begin?
We walk around giving high 5 s and thumbs ups
When we are all walking corpses
Let the truth be told
We need to be bold
The future deserves the best
And till then . . . no rest
Kaylese Emele
5th October, 2010
All they want is just to play
And they play, detached from all emotions
All they do is basic motions
They laugh they cry
They sing. . . they lie
Coz they are scared
The truth is unheard
For how long will falsehood reign ?
When is life expected to begin?
We walk around giving high 5 s and thumbs ups
When we are all walking corpses
Let the truth be told
We need to be bold
The future deserves the best
And till then . . . no rest
Kaylese Emele
5th October, 2010
ENDLESSNESS...
The pillows are wet
Awash with tears they can't forget
Of pain, sadness, sorrows, regret...
In the land of endless tears!
If walls could, they'd speak volumes
So much It'd fill up so many rooms
But they're locked up, an impregnable tomb
In the land of endless fears!
A gully of tears run down the face
Each drop running as it were a race
The voice as it speaks is passion laced -
"Where are the happy years?"
A million thoughts crisscross the mind
A thousand dreams - all left behind
Just one person I seek to find
Who'd say "Dont worry, I am here"!
Awash with tears they can't forget
Of pain, sadness, sorrows, regret...
In the land of endless tears!
If walls could, they'd speak volumes
So much It'd fill up so many rooms
But they're locked up, an impregnable tomb
In the land of endless fears!
A gully of tears run down the face
Each drop running as it were a race
The voice as it speaks is passion laced -
"Where are the happy years?"
A million thoughts crisscross the mind
A thousand dreams - all left behind
Just one person I seek to find
Who'd say "Dont worry, I am here"!
NIGHT-TIME REALITIESNIGHT-TIME REALITIES
In a world that has become heartless and insensitive
In a world where the rat-race keeps getting hotter
No friend to hold on to; no shoulder to lean on...
We smile our false smiles and laugh pretentiously
But deep down we are hurting real bad
We put up false fronts... kinda like 'am not the worse off'
But when the night comes
The curtains are up, theatre time's over
Can we hold our fort?
Or do we bow to the pressures inside?
The day is a shoe to be walked in;
In the night...we can grow wings!
In a world where the rat-race keeps getting hotter
No friend to hold on to; no shoulder to lean on...
We smile our false smiles and laugh pretentiously
But deep down we are hurting real bad
We put up false fronts... kinda like 'am not the worse off'
But when the night comes
The curtains are up, theatre time's over
Can we hold our fort?
Or do we bow to the pressures inside?
The day is a shoe to be walked in;
In the night...we can grow wings!
DAYBREAKDAYBREAK
Have you ever watched the day break? Have you ever wondered at how the deepest darkness of the night slowly give way to the brightest day? Have you ever considered the potency and power of the sun that makes it pierce through the thick darkness and brighten our horizon?
I love watching the day break. I love sitting or standing outside to watch the sun take dominion and authority because it inspires my faith and it makes me know that no condition or situation is too desperate or despairing for the Light of God to penetrate and illuminate.
Jesus said 'I am the Light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life'(John 8:12) and the Bible lets us know in Malachi 4:2 that He is the Sun of righteousness. He is the Light you need to bring your day back, He is the Sun that will always shine on you.
You may be in a dark moment in your life today, you may be in a situation that you think there is no way out, allow the Sun of righteousness arise in that situation and let the peace of God flood your heart today.
Good morning and do have the greatest day of your life!
22nd May, 2010
I love watching the day break. I love sitting or standing outside to watch the sun take dominion and authority because it inspires my faith and it makes me know that no condition or situation is too desperate or despairing for the Light of God to penetrate and illuminate.
Jesus said 'I am the Light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life'(John 8:12) and the Bible lets us know in Malachi 4:2 that He is the Sun of righteousness. He is the Light you need to bring your day back, He is the Sun that will always shine on you.
You may be in a dark moment in your life today, you may be in a situation that you think there is no way out, allow the Sun of righteousness arise in that situation and let the peace of God flood your heart today.
Good morning and do have the greatest day of your life!
22nd May, 2010
Of Death... And Doctors
How does it feel to be a doctor?
How does it feel to be woken up with the words 'Doctor, there's an emergency?'
How does it feel to hear the sound of ambulance sirens slicing through the air as they bring yet another mangled body to the casualty/emergency ward?
How does it feel to look at so much blood seeping out from a human body?
How does it feel to hold a knife(or do they call it a scapel? Whatever!) and cut someone up in the name of operation?
How does it feel to watch a soul slip into unconsciousness?
How does it feel to bear the news of death to the family waiting outside?
How does it feel to utter those words 'I'm sorry he couldn't make it', 'we tried our best, please take heart'.
How does it feel to hear the crying and wailing at the news of death?
How does it feel to be a doctor?
These questions and more keep bombarding my consciousness as I stand in the accident/emergency words of Federal Medical Centre, watching as it were, a movie of life being played out.
I've been here less than 3 hours and I cant stand it anymore. But, I'm wondering,
How does it feel to watch this movie everyday? Or more, to be a part of it?
Yet, this is someone, yes, a doctor's 'NORMAL' day!
My thoughts may seem wild and uncoordinated, that's how I feel at the moment and that's how I'm baring it to the world!
Kaylese-Smyles Emele
Federal Medical Centre, Abakaliki
31st January, 2011
How does it feel to be woken up with the words 'Doctor, there's an emergency?'
How does it feel to hear the sound of ambulance sirens slicing through the air as they bring yet another mangled body to the casualty/emergency ward?
How does it feel to look at so much blood seeping out from a human body?
How does it feel to hold a knife(or do they call it a scapel? Whatever!) and cut someone up in the name of operation?
How does it feel to watch a soul slip into unconsciousness?
How does it feel to bear the news of death to the family waiting outside?
How does it feel to utter those words 'I'm sorry he couldn't make it', 'we tried our best, please take heart'.
How does it feel to hear the crying and wailing at the news of death?
How does it feel to be a doctor?
These questions and more keep bombarding my consciousness as I stand in the accident/emergency words of Federal Medical Centre, watching as it were, a movie of life being played out.
I've been here less than 3 hours and I cant stand it anymore. But, I'm wondering,
How does it feel to watch this movie everyday? Or more, to be a part of it?
Yet, this is someone, yes, a doctor's 'NORMAL' day!
My thoughts may seem wild and uncoordinated, that's how I feel at the moment and that's how I'm baring it to the world!
Kaylese-Smyles Emele
Federal Medical Centre, Abakaliki
31st January, 2011
The Kaylese I KnowThe Kaylese I Know
Its few hours to my birthday and as I take out time to reflect, my mind wanders to the person and personality of Kaylese.
So many people have had the opportunity to describe and define me and I've been said to be proud and snobbish, jovial and always smiling, friendly and helpful... So many different comments from different people.
I agree most of them are correct to varying degrees. Its kinda like the six blind men that went to see an elephant....
But as I think about all that has been said about me, I also tried to analyse the Kaylese I know, in an attempt to understand me and this is what I found:
I know Kaylese to be an achiever - a goal getter... And when things don't work out as planned, I get depressed. I know me to be committed to d cause I believe in. I know me to have an excellent spirit that causes me to be distinguished... So distinguished that it becomes a problem!
The problem is, Kaylese is CLASS-LESS!
I'm a class of my own and as much as its unique, its kinda boring cos its lonely up there. I don't have horizontal relationships. Its always vertical - its either I'm looking up to you, or you are looking up to me! I don't have mates. And it has been that way since birth!
The circumstances of my birth and upbringing made it normal and perfectly natural for me to play the loner's game.
Growing up in an quiet environment with predominantly older people, kinda made me content with being my own companion. I never had the opportunity of making friends and keeping them until much later in life. So when people say I'm proud, aloof and stand offish, I guess they don't undastand.
I've had the privilege of being more distinguished than my nearest mates so they tend to treat me like an out-group species while my superiors are always wondering why I should be among them so I'm kinda in between the too.
I may really be proud... I know I have some elements of it in my systems but I'm also self confident and the line between the two is very very thin.
You may wish to comment or draw your conclusions cos I'm making this public, but really, its for my personal consumption. Thanks for your time anyways...
Kaylese-Smyles Emele
17th Jan., 2011
So many people have had the opportunity to describe and define me and I've been said to be proud and snobbish, jovial and always smiling, friendly and helpful... So many different comments from different people.
I agree most of them are correct to varying degrees. Its kinda like the six blind men that went to see an elephant....
But as I think about all that has been said about me, I also tried to analyse the Kaylese I know, in an attempt to understand me and this is what I found:
I know Kaylese to be an achiever - a goal getter... And when things don't work out as planned, I get depressed. I know me to be committed to d cause I believe in. I know me to have an excellent spirit that causes me to be distinguished... So distinguished that it becomes a problem!
The problem is, Kaylese is CLASS-LESS!
I'm a class of my own and as much as its unique, its kinda boring cos its lonely up there. I don't have horizontal relationships. Its always vertical - its either I'm looking up to you, or you are looking up to me! I don't have mates. And it has been that way since birth!
The circumstances of my birth and upbringing made it normal and perfectly natural for me to play the loner's game.
Growing up in an quiet environment with predominantly older people, kinda made me content with being my own companion. I never had the opportunity of making friends and keeping them until much later in life. So when people say I'm proud, aloof and stand offish, I guess they don't undastand.
I've had the privilege of being more distinguished than my nearest mates so they tend to treat me like an out-group species while my superiors are always wondering why I should be among them so I'm kinda in between the too.
I may really be proud... I know I have some elements of it in my systems but I'm also self confident and the line between the two is very very thin.
You may wish to comment or draw your conclusions cos I'm making this public, but really, its for my personal consumption. Thanks for your time anyways...
Kaylese-Smyles Emele
17th Jan., 2011
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