Its few hours to my birthday and as I take out time to reflect, my mind wanders to the person and personality of Kaylese.
So many people have had the opportunity to describe and define me and I've been said to be proud and snobbish, jovial and always smiling, friendly and helpful... So many different comments from different people.
I agree most of them are correct to varying degrees. Its kinda like the six blind men that went to see an elephant....
But as I think about all that has been said about me, I also tried to analyse the Kaylese I know, in an attempt to understand me and this is what I found:
I know Kaylese to be an achiever - a goal getter... And when things don't work out as planned, I get depressed. I know me to be committed to d cause I believe in. I know me to have an excellent spirit that causes me to be distinguished... So distinguished that it becomes a problem!
The problem is, Kaylese is CLASS-LESS!
I'm a class of my own and as much as its unique, its kinda boring cos its lonely up there. I don't have horizontal relationships. Its always vertical - its either I'm looking up to you, or you are looking up to me! I don't have mates. And it has been that way since birth!
The circumstances of my birth and upbringing made it normal and perfectly natural for me to play the loner's game.
Growing up in an quiet environment with predominantly older people, kinda made me content with being my own companion. I never had the opportunity of making friends and keeping them until much later in life. So when people say I'm proud, aloof and stand offish, I guess they don't undastand.
I've had the privilege of being more distinguished than my nearest mates so they tend to treat me like an out-group species while my superiors are always wondering why I should be among them so I'm kinda in between the too.
I may really be proud... I know I have some elements of it in my systems but I'm also self confident and the line between the two is very very thin.
You may wish to comment or draw your conclusions cos I'm making this public, but really, its for my personal consumption. Thanks for your time anyways...
Kaylese-Smyles Emele
17th Jan., 2011
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